Total eclipse of the heart.

PERUSE
Handmade Valentine Mart
What: Swoon over one-of-a-kind trinkets (money clips, jewelry, soaps) made by fifteen local talents at a mini bazaar packed with refreshments, live music, and a craft station.
Why: Hothouse roses leave you cold? Take your sweetheart and drop some hints.
When: Sat., noon-6 p.m.
Where: Nana, 3068 Mount Pleasant St. NW (202-667-6955).

SHAKE
Cupid’s Not Stupid Cocktail Contest
What: Mixologists including Rachel Sergi (Jack Rose) and Simo Ahmadi (Watershed) battle for your boozy affection.
Why: Drink to us only with thine eyes? As if.
When: Fri., 7-10 p.m.
Where: Aria Pizzeria & Bar, Ronald Reagan Building & International Trade Center, 1300 Pennsylvania Ave. NW (202-312-1250). Tickets ($55 includes snacks, beer, wine, and samples of five elixirs) online at wineandfooddc.com.

WOO
La Saint-Valentin at the Embassy of France
What: A singles’ fete fancied up with a twenty-piece orchestra, DJ, and open bar, plus a sugary buffet of crepes, champagne sorbet, and macarons.
Why: Trip to the City of Lights sans jet lag.
When: Fri., 8 p.m.-midnight.
Where: La Maison Française, 4010 Reservoir Rd. NW (202-944-6400). Tickets ($100) online at instantseats.com.

REGALE
Sucker for Love
What: Nine storytellers unravel meaty tales of love lost, found, and imagined.
Why: It’ll be a page-turner, for sure.
When: Fri. & Sat. Dance party with DJ Glowstik follows Saturday’s performance.
Where: Dance Place, 3225 8th St. NE (202-269-1600). Tickets ($20-$30) online at speakeasydc.com.

ATTEND
Valentine’s Day Is a Drag
What: Delta Dawn and thirteen other queens of hearts work hard for the money, earning tips for LGBT student scholarships with their performances.
Why: If you like it, you should put an onion ring on it.
When: Sat., 6-10 p.m.
Where: 18th & U Duplex Diner, 2004 18th St. NW (202-265-9599). Suggested donation is $20.

PEDAL
Cycle for Survival in Bethesda
What: Kind hearts sign up for this indoor cycling race; join pre-existing teams of four to eight, and keep the wheel spinning for four hours to raise money for Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center.
Why: Fight rare cancers before brunch.
When: Sun., 8 a.m.
Where: Equinox, 4905 Elm St., Bethesda (301-652-1078). Donate online at mskcc.convivio.net.

Photo: Courtesy of Nana