Message from House Ethics of Eating Committee

Representatives, we’ve let our pork-barreling get out of hand. We’ve funneled funds into bacon-flavored lollypops, bacon salt, and even smoky bacon ice cream.

The time has come to go whole hog.

To amend this issue, we nominate Surry Farms. The Virginia company’s mouthwatering meat comes from heritage Berkshire pigs. Called Surryano ham (a play on Spain’s cult Serrano), it rivals the best prosciutto or charcuterie.

The animals are raised on a pasture under humane conditions with a diverse diet that gives the meat an exquisite marble. Each piece is cured by hand and aged to perfection.

The result is ham that would overturn the staunchest veto and bacon that would cause a caucus.

As if we weren’t pigheaded enough already.

Available online at surryfarms.com.